Nothing that relates to the human being is static, even less if it has to do with their conduct, behavior and feelings. In recent years, there has been a change in how divorce affects children. For many years divorce was viewed as a family disaster. Recently, some theorists have argued that divorce is a family crisis that has the potential, like any crisis, to produce growth and change. According to therapist Kathleen O’Connell Corcoran, children’s psychological reactions to their parents’ divorce depend on three factors:
- The quality of the relationship with each parent
- The intensity and duration of the parental conflict
- The ability of such parents to adequately address the needs of their children during and after the divorce.
Thus, when the children maintain a continuous and good quality relationship with both parents, the probabilities that they will have balanced and functional relationships in the future increase. Since children learn to be and sustain significant relationships based on the relationships they have with their parents. «If they feel safe in their relationships with their parents, then they will learn to trust and be trustworthy in their adult relationships»
(Joaquín Disla. MA)
If it is the mother who remains with the custody of the children, the parents must commit to the lives of their children and support in the economic aspect. Not only is this important, the child needs support in other areas of life, such as sports, artistic, extracurricular activities, clothing, travel, recreation, etc.
A determining factor is the mother’s attitude towards the father’s relationship with the child. When they leave the marriage and withdraw from their role as father, it is due to conflicts with the ex-partner , that is, with the mother, this being the main reason for being absent from the presence of the children.
TYPICAL REACTIONS OF CHILDREN TO DIVORCE
- Strong feeling of abandonment
- Concern about getting information about what is happening
- Anger and hostility
- Immaturity or Hypermaturity
- Concern with reconciliation of parents
- They feel accused and guilty for what has happened
- A change has occurred in how divorce affects children.
- For years divorce was considered a family disaster. Today some experts argue that divorce is a family crisis and as such can produce growth and change.
- Children learn to maintain meaningful relationships based on the relationships they have with their parents. If children feel secure in their relationships with their parents, they learn to trust and be trustworthy in their adult relationships.
Most of the times that parents leave the marriage and withdraw from their role as father, it is due to conflicts with the mother.